2025: Rekindling and Refocusing

Reflecting on my first year as a freelance illustrator and feeling good(?) going into the second one :)

“I’m actually pretty optimistic going into 2025.”

Recently, I was chatting with my agent, and I mentioned my optimism for the new year. Of course, I tacked on this statement of positivity with “… I literally have no reason to be, but I am!”

For obvious reasons, the year started out rocky for so many of us, and there are a lot of reasons to feel a sense of dread going into the new year. As someone who has struggled with anxiety basically her whole life, I am not immune to that sense of dread. But we’re taking it one step at a time, and I’m focusing on channeling all my weird feelings into my art.

What Kind of Illustrator am I, Anyway?

2024 was my first full year as a professional freelance illustrator. Looking back on the year feels like a messy, unfocused, confused blur. I remember struggling a lot with possibility.

I was starting to get jobs illustrating books, but I wasn’t earning enough to move out of my parent’s house. My mind began to wander - should I build my own business? Should I start tabling at conventions? Should I get into wholesale? Should I start taking social media seriously?

I did really enjoy exploring some of these avenues (particularly tabling became really fun for me - and a nice side hustle), but none of them felt as natural or fulfilling as illustrating books. All of these avenues required me to take a substantial amount of time away from creating art for marketing, admin, and other random tasks associated with running my own business. Aside from marketing, I feel confident managing the various administrative tasks of running a business, but after finding myself going days, sometimes even weeks, without drawing, it began to feel like such a waste. I’m an illustrator. Why am I not illustrating?

Naturally, the more you do something, the better you get at it. I found myself in this cycle where I would try something new, not reach the potential I expected of myself quickly enough, so then I would shift my focus to something else that would offer me more immediate gratification. But it’s a never-ending cycle. I will never find something that I am good enough at to make a career out of if I give up on it before I find my groove. All I can do is take a leap of faith and keep chipping away down a path I feel most passionate and confident about. Right now, that’s books.

I Just Love Children’s Books

I love crafting a narrative. I love illustrating in sequence. I love exploring character. I love creating in a style that’s unapologetically mine. And I think I can be really good at it.

This month, I began tightening up rough illustrations for my first author-illustrator book If I Lived in the Sky. As I worked on it, I felt so much joy, confidence, and satisfaction. I felt smart for figuring out a clever way to execute a page turn. I laughed at how goofy I drew the characters. Every mark I made was intentional, serving a larger story arc.

Sketch for If I Lived in the Sky

I think the passion this project has reignited for book illustration is what’s fueling my optimism for 2025. Simultaneously, I am having a blast developing a new picture book dummy for submission. I am creating the samples traditionally, so I get to spend my days painting on my drawing board instead of staring at spreadsheets and inventory.

Sample spread for Bear on the Hill book dummy.

A glimpse into my studio (aka my reading nook in my bedroom with a drawing desk)

I think your 20s are about trying a lot of things and seeing what sticks. Though I get tunnel-visioned more often than I should, in the grand scheme of things, I am just at the start of my career. And I am optimistic (weirdly) for the future. I am finding joy in books right now, so I will ride that wave for as long as I can.